You Can't Fail

"I can only come to one conclusion, my family need a stable, consistent, happy thriving environment and I need to be relaxed in my approach to Homeschooling and in my approach to education across the board for each of my three girls." Rachel, homeschooling mum.

Then you need, first and foremost, an affirmation that you can breathe (heavily!) about relaxing: something like "we've got all day" :-)

I use affirmations whenever I can remember to take the tension out of the day. I don't use them often enough, however!

I know when I need to use an affirmation - it's in those emotionally charged moments when I'm in danger of reacting, rather than consciously acting. An affirmation is like a deep breath - it gives you that moment in which to pause. Counting to ten - slowly - while breathing can do the trick too. You need that space, more than anything else. The affirmation simply begins the reprogramming of unhelpful self-talk process.

Consistency begins by recognising the most important thing (just one!) you'd like to change right now. It would be beneficial if the whole family could agree on this one thing. Everyone can then contribute to making sure you all change that one thing - having support is crucial when we're trying to change entrenched behaviours.

Name that one thing. You could even put up a poster on the fridge with the new behaviour loudly proclaimed! It's important to keep words and thoughts constructive (positive). It's more effective to think about what we want, as if we already have it, than to dwell on what we don't want or what isn't working. Often naming what we want is enough to manifest it.

Forget about happiness. None of us are ever going to be consistently happy! It's okay to have blue moments or blue days. It's okay to be quietly reflective. Sometimes my children were/are quietly reflective and I'd interpret that as unhappiness and intervene... Not happy then!!! Or sometimes when one of us is learning something challenging we get frustrated with ourselves, we may get cranky or cross, and even short-tempered. When I saw my children struggling like this I would intervene - uninvited of course - and then they'd get cross at me!!! Sometimes learning isn't about having fun or being happy. Sometimes it's about loss, reconciliation, compassion, grief, coming to terms with inability... and so on.

Happiness is something that if we take care of ourselves will come naturally. Adequate sleep, rest, relaxation, laughter, exercise and nutritious food underpin happiness. Aim for those and you'll soon be on your way to happiness.

Happiness, as I'm currently finding out, doesn't arrive without balance though. That's the 'stable' part of Rachel's statement. Avoid extremes. We naturally do this in the physical realm but forget the importance of finding and maintaining mental balance. I'm terribly guilty of this: I have high highs where I get oodles of impressive work done and dreadful lows where I simply sit and wait for the depression to pass. I'm learning to resist the urge to be ultra busy when I'm hyper - relax more, especially then - so that I don't dive too low. As a result I'm able to do much more ALL the time. It's a huge relief, and wonder of wonders, I'm naturally happier!

Reacting, especially emotionally, drains energy. Time is the healing potion. When you're reacting, step back, sit down, hug yourself and your children. Stop whatever you are doing and have a playful moment, even if you don't feel like it. Break the cycle. Go outside. Remove yourself to break the building tension. Don't engage if you feel that you're reaction is going to be anything other than constructive... And try to view the situation objectively - stand outside of yourself and look on, as God would (and, if you're like me, you'll have a sudden surge of overwhelming guilt and shame and back down quickly!)

One of the tools I used all the time to help me relax about 'education' was thinking about what schools really offer. Not what the ideal school would offer, but what the real school down the road offers, every day. I'd look at society - will all it's never ending, never solved, problems and realise that school is mostly to blame. That's where the apathy is set in concrete. For every caring 'leader' that comes through the system there are nine people who are lost, haven't got a clue how to solve the big problems in their communities, or even in their personal lives. When have schools ever delivered the curriculum they promise to ALL their students?

We, and many other natural learning families, have discovered that even if you don't 'educate' your children, they will be on par with most of their peers at age 18. Any 'education' that you offer you children as a homeschooler is therefore a clear bonus!! You can't fail.

© Beverley Paine

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