Balancing Attention with Different Aged Learners

I was asked for tips on how to balance sitting down with an older child while toddlers and younger children yell "What do we do now mummmy?", especially when the younger children want to do 'book learning' too.

First of all you need to make sure you're doing something to balance *your* day. I say all this knowing that I didn't do this and paid the price. Ultimately my depression gave me time - robbed it from me and my children, but the lesson was that if you don't balance *your* day/life you will become unwell.

Do you practice meditation? Have a Daily Devotional time that is for you alone? Do you do yoga or tai chi, or work out doing an exercise routine that gets you huffing and puffing? Do you go for a walk or run each day? You can do this with the kids, but if you can manage it, getting up early for a brisk fifteen minute jog or walk by yourself will help to balance that scattered feeling.

I began homeschooling when my eldest had just turned six and my youngest five weeks old! I wrote up 'lessons' in April's workbook the night before and sat at our big table with Roger, then four years old, beside me with a workbook of his own, and the baby on my lap, often suckling. I always had a variety of baby toys within reach, plus something for me to do if April and Roger didn't need my attention. I get bored quickly and am always looking for something to read and write. April would sit opposite me and I would read her lessons (upside down - a skill she also had I quickly realised) and explain them and she'd be happy to work through them without much attention. Roger was different. He couldn't read (it took another four years before he was an independent reader) and I not only had to read by often scribe. Our table lessons would only last an hour at the most and then we'd be doing a project or simply playing.

I spent a LOT of time playing with the children. This seemed to satisfy their need for time with me, and left me huge blocks of time where I could do what I needed or wanted within sight and hearing of them, without being involved in their activity. I developed a habit of instantly interrupting what I was doing to attend to requests and found that over time they became less demanding and more independent. Often people will tell you that doing this will 'spoil' the child, but I found the opposite actually happens. Plus, taking care of their needs immediately took less time and got them out of my hair quicker!

Something I've discovered as I've got older is how frustrating it is to have a conversation with such an involved, hands-on parent! While I automatically break in my conversation to let the mother or father attend to the child's needs, or answer and help the child myself, it's dreadfully disrupting to a good conversation! I won't always do what the child wants - that's another issue. Listening to them, in the moment, and negotiating satisfactory solutions with them is important. Over time it builds respectful relationships and that's what we all want with, and for, our children.

The other solution coping with demanding toddlers while you are busy helping an older child is to have plenty of activities and distractions prepared in advance. For me, this was more about establishing a vibrant and encouraging learning environment. I modelled our home on the local kindergarten (preschool) which April and Roger had attended from birth, first through playgroup and then kindy. We had open shelves with a few selected items on each and boxes of toys and dress ups. Cluttered environments discourage learning, so keep it tidy and simple and rotate the toys and puzzles, in the same way kindy teachers do, to keep that novelty aspect. I'd hunt down interesting dress-ups in op-shops and add fresh items and remove and store others. You don't need to pay a fortune for play props. The junk box, and a well stocked craft table with lots of sticky tape, masking tape and glue, are essential.

Such a well-stocked, inviting and encouraging learning environment is useless if the children can access the items and activities within it without your help. The shelves need to be low. Materials need to be child-friendly and safe. The children need spaces to make mess, lay out a train track, or a soft corner to curl up comfortably with a book or favourite toy. You need to be comfortable within this space too.

Anticipating your toddlers’ needs is the key to solving this issue - keeping one step ahead of them. You may need to be firm though - it doesn't hurt to gently let them know that you are busy right now and that you will help them when you are finished your task. Direct them to help themselves until then. Juggling the attention you give to each child is difficult. Consistently making the toddlers wait sometimes and making the older child wait sometimes, will help them learn patience, with the reassurance that you care for them all. It doesn't hurt to point this out either, sometimes: "This is ...'s time now, I will help you/play with you when we are finished."

It's not easy, but if you can do take care of yourself and build a calm time that nurtures your soul each day, you should feel less stressed by this difficult aspect of parenting.

© Beverley Paine

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